Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
