Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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