Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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