it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
