the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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