i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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