SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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