remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
