I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
