you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
