She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.