I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
