so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.