I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize