not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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