Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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