You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
