Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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