I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
