Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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