so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
