Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
