The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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