Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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