just tell him i said nine months
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
