What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
