my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
