i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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