DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
