Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
