just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
