Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
