It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
