god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
