you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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