Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
