i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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