i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize