I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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