Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
