I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
