I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
