She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You ruined the universe
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
