Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
