Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
