so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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