I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize