he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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