Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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