u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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