Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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