her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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