he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
