you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
