to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
