My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
