I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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