when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
