I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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