We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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