From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
