Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
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She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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