I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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