And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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