I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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