I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
