I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
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I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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