it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
